“A must-read for anyone on the path of awakening.” —Roshi Joan Halifax

A raw and revelatory spiritual memoir that chronicles a woman’s quest for love, healing, and awakening across multiple continents.

From the emotional barrenness of a postwar German childhood to the false promise of guru culture, the ecstasy of mystical experience, and the crucible of human intimacy, Annette Knopp’s unflinchingly honest account illuminates both the pitfalls and rewards of the spiritual path and her work as a teacher assisting others in navigating the path to wholeness.

Struggling with depression and lack of meaning prompts the author to leave her fiancé and successful career in Spain to travel to the Osho ashram in Pune. Her journey takes her further to the Dalai Lama in Northern India, the nightclubs and Shinto shrines in Japan, facing a female Buddha in New Zealand, working nightshifts in an opal mine in Australia’s outback, diving into somatic therapy and Tibetan Buddhism in Amsterdam, shamanism in Peru, teaching in the US, until the opening of a retreat center with her husband in Costa Rica.

Annette experiences profound shifts of spiritual awakening and the shattering of illusions in her encounters with various teachers and traditions. Her path takes a dark turn when she is sexually assaulted by a trusted spiritual mentor, plunging her into a crisis of faith and a deep descent into unresolved trauma. With unflinching honesty and vulnerability, she illuminates the complexities of the teacher-student relationship, the dangers of spiritual bypassing, and the importance of personal empowerment and discernment on the spiritual path. Sharing her healing and integration process, Knopp weaves insights from Eastern contemplative traditions, Western psychology, earth-based wisdom practices, and somatic approaches to trauma resolution.